Friday, June 1, 2012

When I went to bed last night I didn't set an alarm for my morning workout although Friday is one of my favorites. I was tired and a bit sore so I figured if I woke up on my own I would go if not I would get some much needed rest. I woke up at 5:38 and decided to rush to class and I actually made it on time.

I am still sore and my body is not moving as well as it did last week, but I tried to take it easy yesterday and this morning. I made it through class and I actually felt like I got a pretty good workout.

But then I came home and my body suddenly felt like it weighed a ton and I didn't want to move.

All I really wanted to do was crawl back in bed and have a good cry.

This quote is one of my favorites, when I first heard it I thought it was excellent advice and something I hoped to apply in my life. I really try to work each day to become this person I know I want to be, some days I do great, others I fall flat on my face.

I thought summer would be different, it would be my chance to really live like the person I want to become.

I had a plan!!

We would all wake up and eat a home cooked breakfast, read scriptures together before Rob left for work, the kids would then do chores so we could get the house cleaned, we would have Mom's summer school, Rob would come home for lunch and then the afternoon would be reserved for something fun.

Only Rob has to be to work at 8 and my kids have thankfully been sleeping in until then because we are usually up late the night before with ball games. So I don't wake them up because I know they need their rest. But I still try to have breakfast for Rob before he leaves for work, I just wish we could also fit in scripture study.

But this week when we were supposed to start our summer schedule I have felt awful, my body is heavy, it is sore, and I am so tired. I am trying to cut myself some slack but honestly I am tired of these physical problems.

So I push myself, I get up and workout hoping I can make it through, hoping I can prove I am stronger than my body or mind think I am, hoping that if I do that I will be able to do everything else I want to during the day, and just hoping this entire accident was no big deal and I am OK .

Only I'm not, and I need to accept that, and I need to take it easy and let myself heal.

I was so frustrated today that I was not being the person I want to be and sadly I didn't have the patience my kids deserved this morning. I hate when I raise my voice, it is something I try not to do, I don't want to be the Mom who yells when her kids are not listening.

I felt horrible and like the worst Mother in the world.

But in one of the many tender mercies I am afforded Rob came home from lunch and told me he didn't have to go back, he had the afternoon off.

I probably should have taken a nap, let him entertain the kids for a while, but instead we loaded up the car and headed for what I thought would be an easy hike.

We took a wrong turn when we first got there and I am not going to lie it was hard. I thought I was going to die but somehow I made it. I am sure another tender mercy.

We came straight home (OK we stopped for ice cream first but I deserved it). I took some medicine, put on my pajamas, and laid down on my bed while Rob cleaned up and put everything away.

I don't plan on doing much tonight, I have a huge list of things that need to be done but I will only do what I can from the comfort of my bed. Thankfully most of it is on the computer.

Another of my favorite quotes says:

"Courage does not always roar, sometimes courage is the quite voice at the end of the day saying I will try again tomorrow".

And I will, and every day after that, until finally I have become the person I want to be.

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