Finding Happiness

Thursday, January 26, 2012

When we lived in Kansas I always thought "things will be much better when we move to Utah", not that things were terrible in Kansas but it wasn't where I wanted to be. I have had this dream in my head since Samantha was born of a beautiful home all my own.  We would be settled somewhere we planned to stay until we retired and raise our sidekicks surrounded by our family and friends.

All of this I just knew was in Utah and once me moved I would finally be happy. And while things are better and I love it so much here, I found things are not perfect here either and that dream of ours is going to take a lot of work and sacrifice.

We have a plan to get our dream and hopefully be in a better financial position when we get there. We also figured we could have part of the dream by finding a rental in the area where we want to buy a house so the kids can get settled into a school, and we can still work on paying off debt and saving for a down payment.

So now that we have a plan to get there, and that makes me feel so much better, part of me is really impatient with the timing of everything.  I want to be in the rental tomorrow, have my budget all worked out, and start to see the debt get smaller putting us that much closer to our dream.

Friday we were able to pay off the credit card, and put money in savings.  But like it usually does life happened. The car failed both inspections and required some maintenance (which Rob was thankfully able to do for free), when he was fixing it he realized the tires were more worn than he thought and we needed new ones, and after an unfortunate accident on slick roads the car's alignment had to also be done.

All of the money we had put in savings was taken back out, and while I was grateful we could pay for them without putting it back on the credit card, I was frustrated and hated it was going to be that much longer before we could find a bigger house to rent and start paying off our debt.

I felt that old "I will be happy when" me creeping in again, and thinking things would NEVER get better.

Last night I went to bed feeling horrible knowing  how much I hated thinking those things and feeling so terrible and ungrateful for all I did have.

This morning I woke up thinking about a project I had heard of a while back called 365 Grateful and really thought it was something I needed to do for myself. And then after I read my favorite Conference Talk I decided to jump in with both feet.

I don't have a strict plan other than to keep my camera close by along with a notebook and pen, and then be conscience of all the things I have to be grateful for during the day and make sure I am writing at least one thing down every day.

 I am really grateful for this blog, it has become not only a place for me to document our fun as a family, but an outlet for me and a record to see how far I have really come to be a better person, wife, and Mom.  I hope to look back soon and see that I have really come a long way from today, that I am much happier with myself and our situation.

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