I am on day 8 without my social media, which has been fine because I often give my social media up for Lent, it is the best 40 day fast you have ever experienced. But, this time I fought it, in reality I fought a lot of the suggestions I was given this last weekend at General Conference.
For anyone who is reading this blog who is not familiar, General Conference is a twice a year gathering for members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints where we listen to inspiring messages from our church leaders. It is lovely and I always look forward to it.
But this time, I wasn't feeling it. In fact I was throwing a giant freaking tantrum about what I was hearing.
You see I was having a week, one of those weeks when everything I had been working hard to do went straight down the proverbial toilet. I didn't cook any meals, my running was hit or miss, my house was a disaster, and I had homework in a class I am just not loving. Not to mention three beautiful children who all had a million and a half activities and places they needed to be.
October 1st also fell on a Monday and I felt like it was like the holy trifecta of goal setting days. A good time, I felt, to really kick a few routines I had into high gear and make the most of the end of the year. So when the week ended up a disaster it only made me feel worse about my situation.
Monday the 1st, I ended up at work on what should have been my day off dealing with audits, and then taking money at a big event that night I had no plan of being a part of. But, they had just assumed I would be there and I am way too nice to ever let someone down, especially when they look like they are on the verge of a breakdown. So I put my needs and sanity aside to help someone else, and I paid for it all week.
Fast forward to Saturday night and me sitting in the garage after the women's meeting crying and telling Rob how I can't do it, I can't take on one more thing.
So he did what any good husband would do: he took my hand, led me to our bedroom, gave me my medicine, and tucked me into bed. You Guys, I slept for almost 12 hours. I woke up Sunday morning feeling so good.
That was until I sat down to watch the Sunday sessions of conference. And once again I was not very happy, I ended up sleeping through a lot of it Sunday afternoon, and wondering what in the world was my problem.
I am smart enough to understand resistance, especially when it is something important. I was also aware enough to see that the comments I was making were so far away from how I really feel and who I work so hard to be. So I decided what I needed was a major attitude adjustment and to put my faith to work.
So I made a plan, I started by listening to conference again Monday morning while I was cleaning, determined to find the direction I needed to take. I then went to Deseret Book and bought myself a Book of Mormon journal, which has wide margins for notes, and set my goal to have it read by the end of the year. (7 pages a day)
Samantha and I also got up early Wednesday morning to attend the Temple. We used to do this pretty regularly and had gotten out of the habit, but we are determined to pick it back up again.
And I would love to tell you this week has been amazing, everything has been running smoothly, and my family has been happily singing kumbaya. But guess what, this week has been hard, it has been busy, and last night I was so exhausted I sat in my bed with tears streaming down my face trying to finish reading my 7 pages. I ended up making it through 2 before I turned off my light and tried to convince myself that the 6 hours of sleep ahead of me was just as good as 8 or even 12.
One thing I have learned in all the years I have sought self improvement is this: the minute you begin to cultivate a new habit, or set out to accomplish a goal, the gates of hell will open in your front yard and release a force doing all they can to stop you. And I am sad to think of all the times I have let that force stop me, all the big plans I had to achieve something, and all the times I didn't push through and keep going.
But, I am finally to a point where I can stop and recognize what is going on. I know what it is and I have come to expect it. But, I have also become wise enough to fight back and not let it stop me.
In the last few weeks I have put new habits into place, they have made significant changes in my life, and they are simple. But there was opposition, massive opposition, and I have pushed through. And I am so very grateful I did.
So here's to putting faith in action, pushing through opposition, and creating changes in my life and in our home that will greatly impact all of our futures.
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