On Sunday we had a lesson about patience and one of the leaders mentioned that we see everything through Instagram's lens. We don't often see the entire picture of what a person is going through, we only see the perfect shot they put out for everyone to see. This thought has run through my mind many times as the events of Halloween weekend play in my memory. I try to be positive and I don't love exposing my weaknesses, but there is a complete story that is more than an Instagram shot.
The week before Halloween I had been battling major anxiety, I have not had this bad of an attack since before my surgery last year, and I am still not sure exactly why it was so bad. It was a week of sleepless nights, I didn't feel comfortable anywhere, and I wanted nothing more than to run away from it all.
Friday I thought I had it under control, my house was clean and it was finally the weekend. Saturday I had plans to do a few projects I had been wanting to do, but when that didn't work out the anxiety returned.
On Sunday I was really struggling to make it through Sacrament, I was fidgeting and constantly checking the clock. Rob noticed and took me home during Sunday School where I laid in bed and cried. Eventually I picked myself up and went to the kitchen and set our table for dinner hoping that doing something I loved would help me feel better.
I returned to church and was able to sit through our Young Women's lesson about patience, but felt the urge to cry a few times. There are many things I need to work on, and being patient with myself is one of them especially when the anxiety is hard to control.
We came home, ate lunch, and got dinner in the oven before I retreated to my bed again. Rob followed and held me tight as I cried and told him all my plans to run away, sell everything we own, and move into a tiny apartment where there is hardly anything needing our attention.
I eventually fell asleep and woke up feeling more like myself again, it is always a huge relief when I can face the world with a clear head and a steady breath. The finishing touches were put on dinner and we enjoyed our Halloween meal. Of course I posted a picture on Instagram and there wasn't a single mention of the anxiety attacks that led up to that moment, only the delicious meal and cute table setting.
Oh how grateful I am for a family that is so patient and loving with me when I feel like a total mess. We sat down at dinner together and enjoyed our time as a family.
Our traditional chili dinner was so good!! And cornbread in a mini skillet?!?! Yes, please!! Just wish I had put the napkin at the top of the placemat, next year I will do better.
After dinner was cleaned up we started in on our pumpkin carving.
After the pumpkins were carved and the mess cleaned up we broke out the pumpkin cheesecake for dessert, yummy!!!
Monday morning we all dressed up for school. I am not one to dress up, but I was not going to pass up the opportunity to wear my leggings and hoodie to work. Samantha informed us no one wears their costume to school so she also wore her Halloween leggings. But my Slice of Bacon and Ghostbuster were ready for a day of fun at the elementary school.
I am extremely lucky to have so much flexibility at work that I can not let my kids down, especially when they tell everyone in carpool that their Mom always comes to the Halloween parade.
I am sad this picture is slightly blurry, she was so excited for Halloween at school!! Hunter would not look at me, he thought I was going to do something embarrassing like jump into the parade line and give him a big ole kiss in front of everyone. Next year I am for sure doing it just because I can.
We enjoyed some delicious pumpkin curry soup for dinner with toasted pumpkin seeds from our pumpkins before the kids headed out to trick or treat. Samantha took our neighbors daughter around the neighborhood before heading out with her friends, Hannah went with her friend and fellow Ghostbuster, while Hunter met up with his friends for a night of trick or treating.
Hunter was the first one home followed by Hannah and then showered and ready for bed before 8:30, which we did not complain about at all. We also had all of the decorations cleaned up and put away until next year.
Samantha ended up changing her costume to match her friends before she headed out with them. She felt terrible because we had spent money on her original costume, but this is probably her last year trick or treating and we assured her she was fine and we just wanted her to have fun with her friends.
Here they are the Super Mario Biker Gang.......
She of course came home with the biggest haul and had to sort it before we forced her to go to bed for the night. Halloween on a Monday can be rough when you have school and work the next day, but we did it. And big shout out to the genius that planned movie reward day for the day after Halloween, the kids loved the movie, and I am sure the teachers were very grateful!!